His Wife Threatened Him With Divorce After She Tried To Make Him Choose Between Her Or His Mother With Alzheimer’s But Then He Called Her Bluff

A husband recently wondered if he was wrong for telling his wife to file for divorce after she threatened him to stop financially aiding his mother with Alzheimer’s, or she would divorce him! Here’s what the man had to say.

They Rarely Argued Before

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The man and his wife had been together for ten years and got married three years ago. Throughout their relationship, they hardly argued. “Generally speaking during our years together we have never really gotten into fights or been at each other throat’s,” he explained.

His Mom Was Sick

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But things changed in the past year. The man’s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. He was using his own money to ensure she got good care because his mom had no savings. He was spending $6-8k every month for home care.

Their Finances Became Limited

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They got into a fight because their financial situation had become tighter. Their lifestyle changed, and they couldn’t afford to do the things they used to enjoy, like eating out or going on vacations, ever since he started caring for his mom.

More Work for More Money

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The man also got a new, better-paying job that required longer hours away from home. His wife suggested putting his mom in a nursing home funded by Medicaid, but he didn’t want to, which led to more arguments.

They Had Different Opinions on Medicaid

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His mom could walk on her own but needed emotional support. “I told her even if we went with her idea, does she really think that would make things better? I will still go visit her often just to make sure they are doing right by her, and a private memory care facility would be two to three times as much what I am currently paying for her homecare,” he said.

He Had a Tough Childhood

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His wife suggested they focus on themselves, enjoy life, and make memories. However, he pointed out that his mom raised him independently and worked multiple jobs to survive. It was tough because he was on the autism spectrum, which made things even harder for her.

He Was Frustrated

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The man agreed they should enjoy life but less often than before. He got frustrated when his wife said that if his mom were thinking clearly, she would want him to be happy. But then gave him an ultimatum, telling him to choose between her and his mom.

He Refused to Be Threatened

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He thought she was acting childish and unreasonable. He said that if she wanted a divorce, she could go ahead, but she shouldn’t pretend to be the victim. Balancing his devotion to his mom and his love for his wife was tough.

Was He Right?

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He knew that he would be supportive if it were her family member. He believed that was what partners did to help each other in tough times. But now he wondered if he was wrong for wanting a divorce.

The Online Community Responded

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One person commented, “It sounds like there’s barely any ‘couple time’ left. He’s either working extra hours to afford the extra care his mother needs or visiting her. So yes, his wife’s statement that this can’t go on and he has to make a choice is valid.”

Another user posted, “I understand where you’re coming from. I would do the same for my mom but I also understand your wife’s pov. You guys may not be suited anymore,”

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