She Loved Her Surname While Her Husband Hated His, but He Insisted Their Children Should Bear His Name so Everyone Knows He’s the Father

A woman recently wrote to an online forum to share a frustrating experience with her husband. She’s proud of her family name, while her husband feels no affinity for his. However, he’s demanding their children bear his name and won’t take no for an answer.

Upcoming arrival

Many Things About Pregnancy
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The woman wrote, “My husband and I are pregnant. We’re happy about it, but it all happened so fast, so we didn’t discuss the details before.”

Surname problem

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“Today, while we were fantasizing about our future, I wistfully said the full name of our baby,” she added. “He was upset and asked why I assumed they would take my name. I said it was because I thought he didn’t care about his last name, whereas my previous name is significant to me.”

Mitigating circumstances

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When the couple married, the woman didn’t take her husband’s name. It’s not a tradition within her culture, and her surname has heavy cultural and historical significance.

Further reasons

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The woman is proud of her culture and very close to her family and relatives. On the other hand, her husband is not comparable to his family. His parents abandoned him and sent him to live with an uncle, who mistreated him.

Taking names

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When the couple was getting married, her husband considered taking her name. However, they decided against it because of all the paperwork. What’s more, his heritage is Irish, but he’s never been interested in traveling to Ireland or embracing the culture.

Husband’s worry

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Her husband said he was concerned that people would assume the child was not his if it didn’t have his name. He also said it was disrespectful for a child not to take his father’s name.

Reasonable compromise

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The woman tried to reach a compromise. She told her husband that her surname was non-negotiable. However, she suggested they could hyphenate their names.

Difficult customer

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Her husband wasn’t sure about hyphenating the names. He said that when put together, their names were long and clunky. He eventually agreed, but on the condition that his name come first.

Storming out

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The woman was upset. She couldn’t understand why her husband thought something was wrong with a child taking their mother’s name.

Suits me

step daughter
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She then told her husband that if his name went first, people would assume it was a middle name and that her name was the real name.

Was she right?

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The woman felt she’d overreacted. She wrote to an online forum to ask for advice on how she should have handled the situation.

The internet responded

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One poster said, “He knew well in advance how you felt about your last name. He even said he would take your last name. If he’s so concerned that people will think he isn’t the baby’s father, he can change his last name to your last name as he originally wanted to.”

While another commenter replied, “Neither parent has the right to assume that their child will take only their last name. This is something you and your husband should have discussed a long time ago.”

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