She Was a Committed “Bonus Mom” to Her Boyfriend’s Young Children, but When He Refused to Thank Her on Mother’s Day, She Felt Like Distancing Herself

A woman recently went online to ask if she’d be wrong to step back from planning and helping to finance fun activities for her boyfriend’s two young children after he refused to acknowledge her on Mother’s Day. Here’s what she had to say.

They have joint custody

Listen to Others 1
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“My boyfriend has two kids, aged six and eight, from a previous marriage,” the woman began. “We’re supposed to have them for two weekends a month.”

TIme together is rare

Do You Have The Time
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“But because my boyfriend works in retail, we don’t get to see them that regularly, and certainly not as much as either of us would like.”

They always tried hard

Family Time
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The woman explained that they always made the effort to do as much fun stuff with her boyfriend’s kids as possible, so that at least the time they did get to spend together would be memorable.

She put the effort in

Lack Of Appreciation
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The woman admitted that she was very much a planner and that if she didn’t find the fun events in their area, then the time with the children would be spent playing games and visiting playgrounds, which we stressed was fine; it was just always her that found the really good stuff to do. She always went 50/50 on the cost as well.

She would have liked a “thank you”

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That Mother’s Day, the woman was pleased to receive some “Happy Bonus Mother’s Day” texts from her family and friends. But she was less pleased that she got no acknowledgement from her boyfriend. She didn’t want to be showered with gifts, but she would have liked a hug or even just a “thank you.”

He said she didn’t need to be acknowledged

How Can I Be More Approachable?
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Eventually, the woman asked her boyfriend why he hadn’t said anything. He replied, “Well, you’re sort of a bonus mom, but I don’t think we really need to acknowledge it until it’s official, like when we get married.”

She was annoyed

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The woman disagreed and admitted that her boyfriend’s attitude had left her feeling more than a little salty.

She felt like stepping back

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Although she didn’t want her boyfriend’s kids to suffer, she also no longer wanted to look for and plan fun stuff for them all to do together if her boyfriend wasn’t prepared to either thank her or do it himself.

She stressed that she was aware she wasn’t a stepmother, and she would still make the effort with the kids, but she was done going the extra mile.

She asked the internet

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The woman asked the online community if they thought she was being unfair or overly sensitive.

The internet responded

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The woman’s story divided opinion. Some backed her. “There is no reason you should be acknowledged on Mother’s Day,” said one. “AND/BUT you should be appreciated by your boyfriend for planning and helping finance fun activities.”

But others angrily laid into her. “You are not their mother. You are not his spouse,” scoffed one. “Even if you marry, they don’t have to see you as a mom. So if you need that for your ego, then I guess you can just step back.”

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