Women Say You Need to do These 19 Things to have a Successful Marriage

Marriage isn’t easy, but luckily there’s lots of good advice out there on how to make your relationship work. Someone recently asked, “Married women, what are the unspoken rules for a successful marriage?” Here are the top 19 responses.  

Don’t let yourself be a doormat, but pick your battles

Pick Your Battles
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“I hate having to pick my battles because I’m big on principles. But the mature side of me has to constantly remind myself, ‘Is it worth it?’”

“I feel the same way. I boil it down to respect. Did something he did make me feel not valued or disrespected? Then I’ll fight to the end, but if it’s something that just bothers me, I will just tell him how I feel, tell him we don’t have to have a thing about it. I just have to get it off my chest…”

Remember to say thank you

Reflecting On What You Have To Feel Thankful For
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I’m really big on thank yous. Even for tasks I expect or feel are necessary. It feels good to be thanked, and it reminds them that I care about the effort made.”

“ALWAYS! Even for the small things. “Thanks for taking out the trash” goes a long way.”

Compliment good intentions 

Compliments Your Appearance
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Complimenting good intentions is always good advice, but many men are wired to need it. I will not always make the best decisions, but I will always try to do what’s right. If my intentions are complimented, I will try to improve next time. If my intentions are ignored, I’ll eventually burn out. It’s hard to strive for self-improvement when you feel like you can’t do anything right.”

“I find that with my husband. He does what he thinks will make me happy but sometimes misses the mark!”

Keep some of your independence

Maintain Independence
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Marriage is a partnership, not a codependency-ship. You each need to have some independence and your own personality, interests, etc, as well as your relationship. Neither party should lose themselves in the other’s problems.”

“‘Marriage is a partnership, not a codependency-ship.’ Bam… somebody needs to put that on a pillow, a coffee mug, and teach that at marriage counseling.”

There are habits you are going to have to accept

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“Whenever some little pet peeve or habit of my husband annoys me, I have this little mantra ‘He is a wonderful man, with many good qualities.’ Sometimes if it is really, really annoying, I will start listing the qualities, ‘He is fiercely loyal, honest, kind…’ until I am no longer annoyed.”

“To be married successfully, you need to accept that you ARE going to have the same arguments and annoyances with this person for the rest of your life. There is no way they are going to magically change their little habits and weaknesses and become perfect.”

You need to be choosy about who you date

Don_t Have Your Phone Out On A Date
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Too many people try to change their partner or expect them to magically mature after marriage… oh, he’s still useless. Maybe a kid will force him to grow up!”

“There will be some learning curves and compromises as you learn how to be a partnership together, but those are minor adjustments. Mostly cosmetic details, if you will – like a fresh coat of paint or upgrading the security system in the home you just moved into. But no amount of effort will save the place if the foundation is crooked and rotting.”

‘I told you so’ doesn’t make any situation better

Accept What You Can't Change
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Always consider if you’d rather be happy or be right.”

“I can brag that I was right or just leave it alone. We have both accepted each other’s faults, but at the end of the day, we go to bed together, happy that we had one more day with each other. I can be right or can be content.”

‘Tell me what you think I said’

Frequent Arguments
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So many fights, accusations, and cheating were because he ‘heard’ something other than what I said. Hearing is NOT the same as listening.”

This one is SO TRUE. Also, just taking an objective step back from an argument and asking, ‘Can you tell me what you’re upset about’ instead of just assuming… Saves so many disagreements from just running in endless circles.” 

Let him problem-solve

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My husband literally asked me to let him come up with the plan more often instead of asking him to do a specific thing.”

Remembering that your spouse is a capable adult and giving them respect as such. Knowing your husband is a good problem solver created the space between you for you to trust him to competently solve the problem.”

Be true friends first

Be True Friends First
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It’s easier to be married to a best friend. That never goes away. Lust goes away pretty fast.”

“Can’t emphasize this more! I’ve been married 11 years, and sometimes what kept us together was being best friends.”

Don’t rush into a marriage

Marriage Is A Partnership Of Equals
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Be together for years, so you know everything about each other, and make sure you’re on the same page with dealbreakers. No one’s going to change their mind for the other person with a dealbreaker after marriage, nor should they be expected to.”

I think it’s better to wait, some people are really good at hiding their red flags for a long time. Of course, going over deal breakers and deal makers early on is a must.”

Be open to compromise

Willing to Compromise
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My husband knew a couple who disagreed on where the tomato sauce (ketchup) belonged. One said pantry and the other said fridge. Every screaming argument they had spiraled back to the bottle of sauce. My husband suggested getting a bottle each to avoid the fight altogether. This resulted in another screaming match because it was never about the bottle. It was about who was right. My husband and I live by the analogy that we can have ‘two bottles of sauce’ to avoid the fight.”

Be each other’s team

Supports Your Dreams
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But seriously, we’re a team. I’m his biggest fan, and he’s mine. We support each other, we believe if one of us succeeds, we both succeed and if one is us falls behind, the other helps them catch up or takes the lead for a bit.”

Be open with each other

Communicate Openly
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You should be able to talk about anything together, including your feelings.”

“Be open, honest, empathic, and respectful in your communication with your partner. Talk about even the little things they do that upset you. Don’t let those things fester and turn into resentment. Reciprocally, don’t belittle, dismiss, or be immediately defensive when your spouse expresses any concerns about you or the marriage.”

Understand that love ebbs and flows

To Feel Appreciated
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“Understand that love is an ebb and flow. Some days you won’t feel so in love with your partner, and that’s okay. This is normal in long-term relationships, and it passes with the right person.”

“Appreciate your partner for who they are right now. Over time, we will change both physically and emotionally, and our partners may not always feel great about their changes. But let them know you appreciate them exactly how they are at this very moment. Don’t ever make each other feel like our best version is behind us.”

Take care of yourself

You Have To Take Care Of Yourself, Too
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Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself so you can be kind and take care of the people you love. Never stop trying to be a better version of yourself so you can be proud of yourself and then have the ability to be proud (instead of jealous/resentful) of your partner when they achieve something. You cannot give what you do not have.”

“Give each other space to grow and challenge yourselves as individuals, but trust each other to still choose each other.”

Give compliments, and don’t be overly critical

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“Be generous with compliments and frugal with criticism.”

Keep in mind that you’re not perfect either and that your partner gracefully lives with your faults as well.”

Don’t compare your relationship to others

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Don’t compare your marriage to others. A successful marriage makes both partners happy. If you have that in an unconventional way, embrace it.”

Take responsibility and apologize

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“Take ownership of mistakes. Forgive, and mean it.”

“Never be too proud to apologize when you’re wrong.”

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Source: Reddit

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