“You don’t have kids so send us money”: Woman Refuses to Support Elderly Parents Because They Never Made Her Feel Loved

A woman recently came head to head with her parents after they expected her to send money back to them. The woman refuses because they emotionally abused her and always made her feel second best. Here’s what she had to say:

The Woman’s Left Her Native Country

A College Degree
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The 23-year-old woman, originally from South Asia, previously moved to a Western country to pursue her Master’s degree. Her elder brother, aged 29, had also moved to the same country for his education a couple of years before her. 

The Brother Helped His Sister

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He had since found a well-paying job and had helped her a lot with the move. In their culture, it was common for parents to pay for their children’s education and living costs while studying. 

The Woman’s Parents Didn’t Help Her Much

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However, the woman said, “Our parents paid my brother’s tuition fees as well as his living costs while he was studying, as that’s common in our culture. I got a full scholarship and a part-time job to take care of my other bills when I moved, so my parents didn’t contribute anything. They did, however, pay for my flight ticket as that was quite expensive.”

The Brother Was The Favorite

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The daughter had a rocky relationship with her parents, especially her father, who always favored her brother. As a result, she was constantly comparing herself to him, thinking that emulating him was the only way to make her parents proud.

The Daughter Was Emotionally Abused

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Despite her excellent grades and acceptance into better universities, her parents never celebrated her milestones with the same enthusiasm as they did for her brother. 

They were also emotionally abusive, with her father often saying hurtful things to her. On the other hand, her brother was a great person who stood up for her and always supported her. The woman said, “he’s the only reason I still have a relationship with my parents, and he’s quite close to them.”

The Brother Had Been Sending Money Home

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In their culture, it was common for children living abroad to send money back to their parents. The brother had regularly sent money to their parents, but he had recently stopped due to his marriage and his wife not having a job yet. 

The Daughter Is Expected To Send Money

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“I graduated last month and got a really well-paying job. Now my parents are asking me to send them money, but they’re asking twice as much as my brother used to send. Their reasoning is that I’m young and shouldn’t have as many expenses as my brother did since I’m not married,” the daughter explained.

The Woman’s Parents Called Her Ungrateful

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The woman refused, telling her parents that she couldn’t afford to send them anything. In response, they called her ungrateful and involved their extended family, who also criticized her for abandoning her parents, who had supposedly done so much for her.

The Brother Didn’t Get Involved

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Although the woman felt like she didn’t owe her parents anything, she acknowledged that they had contributed money to her upbringing before she moved away and had also paid for her flight. 

Her brother chose to stay out of the situation but warned her that her decision could destroy her relationship with their parents.

Was She Right To Refuse?

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The daughter worried that she hadn’t handled the situation well and sought the help of the Reddit community in deciding whether she was right to refuse to send money to her parents, given how they had always favored her brother.

People Responded

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One user posted, “I would pay them back for the flight, only because that seems to be weighing on you. Tell extended family members that you do not want to talk about this.”

Another user commented, “It will destroy the current relationship, but it doesn’t seem to be going too well for you. You don’t feel loved or supported, and it seems your extended family doesn’t really care about you …only that you do what is expected. You can get that kind of conditional love elsewhere, with fewer conditions.”

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Source: Reddit